I cockslap morals
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
