Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
