Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
