this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
