we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
