Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
