some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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