I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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