"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
