She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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