dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
