ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ugly people sure do ruin things
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
