So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
