he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
