god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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