im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
honey bunches of taint.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
