finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
