The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
