I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize