3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
