I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
