the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
