Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
