Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize