Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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