Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
