After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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