I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
