At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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