and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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