i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize