My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
