WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
