Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
