Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
