I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
