I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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