Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
