I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
