My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
