So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
