its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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