rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
