can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize