My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
