he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
