i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
