she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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