Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
organizing the empties. That sober.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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