Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
