his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
