It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
