He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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