Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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