is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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