Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my shit smells like andre
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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