peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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