we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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