i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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