At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
