i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
