Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
