he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
