I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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