Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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