I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
