at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
