So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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