My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
