i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
