As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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