just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love you. Go after that dick
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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