wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
