im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
