Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
