you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
