we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
