Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
