now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
