If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
