Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
