I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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