Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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