you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
