Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize