My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
