When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
