I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
