He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I could make wine with my vomit
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
