Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
