i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
