no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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