you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
