hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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