someone threw a dead crab at me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
