one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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