Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
