Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
They are going to name an STD after you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
