dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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