Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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