Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
