his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
