please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize