I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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