Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
