one two three fourrrrnication!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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